(Originally published on 2/27/2017)
Do you have a hater living in your head? Have you been writing your own diss track?
Although that pesky critic lives in all of our heads, we have a responsibility to starve it from any attention.
Want to see if you’re a confidence buster? See how many questions you can answer yes to:
1. Do you try to one-up people when you hear their stories?
2. Is your knee-jerk reaction a complaint?
3. Have you been accused of being “stubborn and never changing your ways?”
4. Is your life so rigid that you avoid family and friends because of possible criticisms?
5. Do you have a list of dreams that never see past your vision board, Pinterest boards or journal?
6. Do you talk smack about friends/family/colleagues who are advancing their lives?
In a previous post I highlighted passive aggressive behavior. Inconsistent communication like passive aggression can turn into hater language.
Busting other people’s bubbles is shady and a reflection of where our confidence stands. I admit that at times of low self-esteem it was easier to crack jokes to friends about their plans. It may have appeared in the form of sarcasm or jokes but in hindsight I see that I was a jerk. Humor is a good way to deflect from the fact that our confidence is lacking.
If our hater language turns inward it can obviously be damaging. When we keep playing the tape of doubts, disses, failures and complaints, it’s no surprise that our goals don’t see the light of day. Are you going through the motions in public like you have plans on the table? You’re less likely to lie to others if you stop lying to yourself. It’s okay if you don’t know what your next move is. Many of us reach out to mentors, bosses, colleagues, our elders or social media groups for answers. One of my favorite quotes is, “We have not, because we ask not.”
What do you need to ask for?
Is stubbornness your biggest barrier? Stubbornness and rigidity truly have little value. News alert: life isn’t measured so precisely. In fact, being able to navigate twists and turns in life requires a bit of spontaneity. Parents could nod their heads in agreement about this fact right?
Rigidity leads us to feeling more paranoid about making the easiest choices. Click To Tweet Making decisions is like working a muscle. Our decision-making muscle becomes stronger when we use it more often than a spare tire. Making good and bad choices can come natural and we’re used to little setbacks or minor criticisms like “Damn, that was stupid.” These minor criticisms brush off our backs and don’t even count in the grand scheme of screw ups!
(Read post: Is Control Making You Too Rigid?)
As I set out to make major leaps in my writing business I have to starve my criticisms. Something new is never easy. I can’t be “that guy” that asks for help and then cringes because “eww that sounds hard.” Elizabeth Gilbert describes this struggle in “Big Magic.” She says that when we complain about our next move, we offend our blessings. Complaints scare our blessings away. Click To Tweet She admits that she verbally told the Universe that she enjoyed her creativity and her work. This is the perfect way to starve doubt! Feed your blessings instead!
·Listen to your inner and outer chatter. Silence the complaints.
·Is that sarcasm hiding your doubts? Stop it. That type of sarcasm is annoying.
· Is your rigidity telling the Universe you’re not ready for your dreams? Open the door to your blessings instead of scaring it away.
How will you silence that confidence buster in your head?