The Focus On You

Self-Care Is A Lifestyle

Turning Abandonment Into Action In This New Era

It’s hard to hold a normal conversation anymore.

I feel uncomfortable with pleasantries and can’t even say, “So how was your weekend?”

I remember the last time I felt this way was after the death of a family member. After losing my grandma in 2007 it was hard to go back to routines. I started a new job a few months after she passed so it affected my normal “drive.” I didn’t have the energy and spunk you may see in me now.

Maybe it’s the Catholic side of me that imagines loss as a heavy weight that can’t be lifted. In some traditional Catholic homes you can’t listen to music or wear any bright colors after a death in the family. Catholic guilt has no room for my Snapchat wake up calls.

With the frightening, frustrating and unfair practices we have seen with our new leader, it doesn’t feel like the smooth transfer of power that Obama promised.

Sudden changes, whether expected or not, can leave an unsettling and empty feeling inside of us. Now I can finally put a name to what I’ve been feeling: abandonment.

If you also feel abandoned by our cheerful, fun-loving President and Administration, it may feel like you have been living a dream. After a sudden heartbreak and abandonment, its normal to question reality. I have heard heartbroken clients explain how their previous happiness feels unreal now. The sudden shift from feeling secure vs. feeling out of control are real feelings Click To Tweet.

In my work with domestic violence survivors, I have discussed the effects of sudden abandonment in adults. Abandonment can cause hyper-vigilance, social anxieties, self-medicating, increased irritability and angry outbursts as well as re-attaching to unavailable or dangerous people.

All of our feelings are valid.

All of our feelings deserve to have a safe place and to be heard.

If you know how to be resilient with grief, channel this resource.

If this abandonment can lead to healthy action, how can you use this for the “greater good?”

With my writing and personal plans side-tracked by recent news, I am rolling with the waves of abandonment and taking life one day at a time. Self-care, self-care, self-care. I can accept each feeling as it is and keep my distance or lean closer depending on what my soul needs.

Because in the grand scheme of things, I will never abandon myself or my values.

I will never abandon my voice.

My ancestors would never accept my silence if they never abandoned theirs.

1 Comment

  1. I like your blog, but since we hold completely opposite beliefs, I am unsubscribing. I honestly don’t understand the reasoning behind the fear and rioting (!!). I don’t understand it! I don’t know anyone who did that after any of the last several elections? And the V-costumes???
    Anyway. I wish you the very best and I hope you feel better about things soon!!

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