Warning: I normally don’t use foul language but I had to speak from the heart. 

When Drake dropped a Lauryn Hill sample over empowering lyrics people lost their mind.

Present company included…..

Recent messages centered around “speaking up” are all over the news lately. But do you know the courage it takes to speak up for yourself? Especially as a woman??

Many women are afraid of calling out abusers, harassers and toxic family members yet the rest of us keep pushing them to speak up. Do you know the backlash they get? When you’re afraid to use your voice and you get shit on, it makes you want to give up. I see this with my clients every day.

Some people are afraid to even ask for a raise or a vacation day. And with all this pressure to “speak up” women bear the burden of being “nice” about it.

The emotional labor that drains women, moms and/or the household manager in your home is no joke. Like dirty laundry, emotional labor piles up. In a nutshell, emotional labor is when family or household tasks require time, problem solving and management. It can be draining and is usually overlooked. Although the name  suggests “emotion” it’s really all the behind-the-scenes planning and administrative work that causes “multiple tabs to be open in our brains.” For most women, it’s frustrating to even ask for help with emotional labor and even more draining trying to explain what one task entails.

For someone suffering with the overwhelm of emotional labor, how many things fall apart when you’re no longer “nice for what?”

In the last year my professional future has been at the mercy of bureaucrats and I am currently exhausted from being nice. I was taught that you “get more flies with honey than vinegar.” I know it’s not spiritually correct to be an ass, but what happens when you feel taken advantage of? Click To Tweet They say that people get angry or raise their voice when they’re not being heard. After months of being unheard it’s a daily chore to speak up, write angry emails and try not to lose my mind. Now I wonder if men use this same principle or do they have it easier? (Let me bookmark that for a later post).

Normally my posts are centered on educating or enlightening people but now I come to my audience confused, exhausted and asking for help.

Where is the balance between being kind and getting to the fuck-it level of “nice for what?”

 

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Let’s keep this conversation going!