Warning: I normally don’t use foul language but I had to speak from the heart.
When Drake dropped a Lauryn Hill sample over empowering lyrics people lost their mind.
Present company included…..
Recent messages centered around “speaking up” are all over the news lately. But do you know the courage it takes to speak up for yourself? Especially as a woman??
Many women are afraid of calling out abusers, harassers and toxic family members yet the rest of us keep pushing them to speak up. Do you know the backlash they get? When you’re afraid to use your voice and you get shit on, it makes you want to give up. I see this with my clients every day.
Some people are afraid to even ask for a raise or a vacation day. And with all this pressure to “speak up” women bear the burden of being “nice” about it.
The emotional labor that drains women, moms and/or the household manager in your home is no joke. Like dirty laundry, emotional labor piles up. In a nutshell, emotional labor is when family or household tasks require time, problem solving and management. It can be draining and is usually overlooked. Although the name suggests “emotion” it’s really all the behind-the-scenes planning and administrative work that causes “multiple tabs to be open in our brains.” For most women, it’s frustrating to even ask for help with emotional labor and even more draining trying to explain what one task entails.
For someone suffering with the overwhelm of emotional labor, how many things fall apart when you’re no longer “nice for what?”
In the last year my professional future has been at the mercy of bureaucrats and I am currently exhausted from being nice. I was taught that you “get more flies with honey than vinegar.” They say that people get angry or raise their voice when they’re not being heard. After months of being unheard it’s a daily chore to speak up, write angry emails and try not to lose my mind. Now I wonder if men use this same principle or do they have it easier? (Let me bookmark that for a later post).
Normally my posts are centered on educating or enlightening people but now I come to my audience confused, exhausted and asking for help.
Where is the balance between being kind and getting to the fuck-it level of “nice for what?”
Feel free to comment on any of my social media pages with #thefocusonyou.
Let’s keep this conversation going!
I didn’t think I needed to be reminded of the validity of my dreams.
I give myself confidence boosts daily and my confidence was brimming as I drove into Long Beach for the We All Grow Summit. In Year 2 of blogging and Year 2 of being part of this empowering network, I felt like I could walk a little taller.
Nevertheless, I arrived hungry for inspiration. Hungry for confirmation that I am on the right path.
So what kind of reminders did I receive?
- Greatness Takes Time– I’m not naïve to the struggles of all the inspiring presenters. I don’t know their full story but I know they sat where I am sitting now. I’m still a pup in this game. The goals I set for this year are similar to dreams that are currently coming true for them. Even if this year’s goal falls flat, I should consider it as a seed. When we plant seeds in our gardens, their beauty and growth take time to bloom. One of the first presenters said it beautifully. She said that when you have years of struggle but finally reach a goal, “It’s like finally picking the fruit of something you planted 3 years ago.” Spend these patient months and years watering your dreams. Water them. Protect them.
- Sigue Adelante (Keep Going)! – Fashion vlogger, Glency Feliz, reminded us to just keep going. We need to stop selling ourselves short and just go out and do it. Pitch those brands. Build that website. Keep being real and quirky with our audience. Personally, I need to keep my eyes off distractions. This doesn’t mean I’ll be giving up my activist ways, but my business could benefit from spending my time better. Most conferences I attend ask bloggers to circle back to Square 1. It’s easy to fall into the trap of shiny new objects and forget our oh-so important to-do lists. Am I guilty of this? Every damn day, if we’re being honest.
- Pick Your Passion – I attended a social change seminar with panelists who are dedicated to causes in our community. It can be overwhelming to get disrupted by every battle. Every day can be a new battle, whether in the world or in your life. If you’re undecided about your next move in life, come back to your passions or values. Martin Llorens, fashion, life and inspirational stylist, also spoke to the crowd about waking up our call to action. He asked, “What is your role in your life and in your society?” If you feel unimportant, you’re not. We all have a role. When we tap into that purpose, it’s easier to navigate our lives. Martin told us, “There is no time for doubt or excuses.”
The beauty of living a life of “focusing on me” allows me to stay humble and aware of what I need. I know what to ask for in this business and I trust the Universe will deliver. I’ll always arrive with a hunger. As I overheard at one of the presentations, “Once your feet lose contact with the floor, you lose everything.”
My feet may have briefly floated off the ground this last weekend but I attribute it to vibrating at a higher frequency. When you absorb the energy of sisterhood, togetherness and betterment for our world, you can only fly high. The message behind this mural says it all: Alas Para Volar (Wings To Fly).
What reminders do you need to help your dreams take flight?