The Focus On You

*Self-Care & Lifestyle Blog*

Tag: self-esteem (page 2 of 3)

When Was The Last Time You Gave Yourself Credit?

When I work with clients on self-esteem the 1st lesson I give them is about compassion. According to Brene Brown, when we are compassionate with others we assume that “they are just doing the best they can.” If you can make this wish for others, then make this wish for yourself.

Daily compassion means you replace criticism with compliments. You look at what you deposited into your life, not what was withdrawn.

Inner criticisms are like bags of resentment and every day you fill those bags to a certain level. Brown further states that compassionate people have strong boundaries that keep them away from resentment. My role as a therapist, and here as a self-care blogger, is to inspire you to look at yourself and the world differently. Look in the mirror with compassionate eyes.

What could you possibly give yourself credit for?

  • Raising one or more kids
  • Being a supportive spouse/partner/girlfriend/boyfriend
  • Keeping a job for a year
  • Changing careers
  • Working hard for that promotion
  • Maintaining a household
  • Paying your bills each month
  • Saving money this past weekend because you know that birthdays, holidays and trips are coming up
  • Fulfilling bucket list goals
  • Staying clean and sober
  • Surviving each day with mental health issues and inadequate doctors and/or meds
  • Graduating school or college
  • Signing up for classes again
  • Achieving one goal this year
  • Starting a business and sticking with it
  • Obtaining your citizenship
  • Asking for help
  • Learning to speak up for yourself at work or at home
  • Dealing with difficult family members or friends
  • Setting boundaries and sticking to them
  • Leaving abusive or unhealthy relationships
  • Speaking kindly to your kids
  • Teaching your children to do better than you did
  • Paying down debts for milestone events (wedding, moving, having a child)
  • Giving birth and surviving post-partum depression
  • Bounced back from a divorce or a painful separation
  • Returning to work after a prolonged absence
  • Getting out of your comfort zone
  • Travelling solo
  • Learning what self-care really means and embracing it
  • Learning new technology to bond with family members
  • Restoring or remodeling your house
  • Saving and purchasing a home
  • Recovering from surgery or a physical setback
  • Dealing with a medical diagnosis the best you can
  • Healing from grief and loss
  • Forgiving yourself and/or others and moving forward
  • Reaching fitness or weight loss goals (ran a marathon, started yoga, etc)

This list could continue but then you might forget all the reasons you just nodded your head.

If you journal and need reason to give thanks, use this list. If you developed a new list in your head after reading this, write it down.

Tell others on social media the reasons you are a warrior. You survived 1, 4 or 10 of the events listed above. Bravo to you!!

Replace criticisms with compassion & watch your mood shift. Click To Tweet

If you are on social media, use #thefocusonme and describe why you need to be compassionate with yourself.

Book recommendation:  Rising Strong by Brene Brown

How To Accept Your Flaws With Grace


Originially published on August 3, 2015

If you have not seen any books or TED talks by Brenè Brown please Google her after reading this post. She is a researcher and writer who brilliantly shares her findings on shame, vulnerability and worthiness.

I recently watched one of her TED talks about vulnerability. It made me think about self-esteem and one of her lessons on “telling your story.” She says that “a story is data with a soul” and she encourages people to become more comfortable with their personal story.


 Are there parts of yourself that you try to keep hidden?


My therapeutic experience in working with trauma has shown me that many people struggle with self-esteem, usually related to past traumas. Our self-esteem can easily be attacked by other’s criticisms or traumatic events that rocked us to the core.


But what if our worthiness is simply tangled up in denial of our weaknesses?


For example, let’s hypothetically assume that I felt shame about my shyness. This shyness had nothing to do with past trauma. My personality just keeps me from maintaining conversation with new people. Unfortunately, this makes dating difficult. I am unable to meet potential suitors and it prevents me from being in new social circles.

If I denied this problem and never asked for help with this, how would it affect me in the long run? Could I be susceptible to unwanted attention and affect my ability to be assertive with men? If I’m denying that I need to improve my social skills am I also denying that I need to ask for help with this problem?

Now let’s assume I am willing to talk to someone about this – a therapist, trusted friend who has good social skills, life coach.

If I am willing to be open or vulnerable to someone I stand a better chance of finding a solution to this problem, improving my social skills and being less self-critical in uncomfortable settings.


Basically, if I KNOW I’m shy and I work on being LESS SHY how bad can my self-criticism be?

Personally, I know I’m still new at blogging and am working on learning more EVERY DAY. Any criticism I receive, either internal or external, can’t be THAT bad right? You’re telling me something I already know.


So what’s the point? We all have weaknesses and areas to work on. As mentioned in a previous post, no one is PERFECT! (Ugh there’s that word again). If you are sensitive about a particular flaw own up to it.

Find someone you can trust to discuss this with. The more you tell your story the less power it has.

Vulnerability does not have to be a frightening word. It’s only frightening when we’re trying to deny who we really are. Good self-esteem starts with being honest with ourselves.


Be gentle with yourself because you’re teaching others how to treat you. Click To Tweet


I have included the Brenè Brown TED talk below. Enjoy!

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