The Focus On You

*Self-Care & Lifestyle Blog*

Tag: self-esteem (page 1 of 3)

3 Resources You Need To Battle Self-Doubt

After a rough week with my inner critic, I had to switch up my routine in order to get back on my feet.

Between a fibromyalgia flare and creative obstacles, I realized that I didn’t have a strong enough emergency kit for moments of self-doubt.

Depression, career obstacles or emotional blocks can really sidetrack your plans. When you have a busy schedule and daily career responsibilities, every day counts. Every day is lost money or productivity. Missing a week of work can make it seem like you’ve been absent a month.

Here are 3 resources I recommend when self-doubt becomes a burden:

Pinterest: Yes, Pinterest is still a thing. Here’s some search ideas to help you find solutions.

Low energy?– Look up juice recipes (adding ginger to smoothies is a good pick me up), yoga poses, book recommendations, hygenic solutions (scrubbing with Himalayan salt crystals, etc).

Creative blocks?– Research articles on this topic, find crystals that help remove blocks, affirming mantras, and quotes from other creatives who battled the same obstacles.

Does your self-care suck? – Pinterest is a wonderful search engine in regards to health and wellness. I have found numerous articles on self-care here. Plus, sometimes our self-care routines get stale and we need to switch it up!

I also recommend following my Pinterest page where I include boards for career inspiration, self-care, Psychology, wellness and fitness.

Podcasts: Although I’m not a regular listener to podcasts, I knew I needed to try something new to bust out of my funk. Tip: If you’re in a funk, ask yourself what you need. Do you need to read, move, watch something motivational, revisit an old book, dump ideas on paper or talk with a mentor? DO THAT! I couldn’t dig into a book but needed to hear a snack sized solution.

Recommendations:

Jen Carrington’s Make It Happen Podcast: Episode – 5 Reminders For Big Hearted Creatives Who Are Feeling The Business Blues.

Kyshira Moffett’s Podcast: The Bombshell Diaries

Books & Videos:

Peaks and Valleys by Spencer Johnson, M.D. – A quick story about a young man who seeks guidance from a wise man about the highs and lows of life.

Rising Strong by Brene Brown – This story is literally about picking yourself up when you fall flat on your face.

Finding Inner Courage by Mark Nepo – A cancer survivor and brilliant poet compiled short stories to bring peace and courage. This book talks TO you, not AT you.

Marie Forleo TV – Marie’s inspirational videos are not just for entrepeneurs. I subscribe to her weekly emails just for her insightful videos. She has interesting interviews with psychologists, authors, spiritual gurus, holistic doctors and successful entrepeneurs, to name a few.

 

 

 

Perfectionism: Why It Isn’t Your Friend

A popular cop-out I have heard in personal and professional circles is the idea that “perfectionism” is healthy.

“What’s wrong with having high standards?  Isn’t perfectionism a better work ethic than laziness?”

I truly believe that perfectionism is the WORST form of self-abuse. In my history of working with addicts I understand that there is a “feeling” most substance users are trying to achieve. They want to numb out, have more energy, forget everything, be social or feel sexier, to name a few.

For perfectionists there is no high. There is no end result. IT IS A NEVER ENDING CHASE. A goal may be reached (entry into college, perfect grades, completion of a project) but a true perfectionist still won’t feel “worthy” after accomplishing goals. Just like a codependent person needs someone to fix, the perfectionist needs to feed their self-worth.

With this constant chase comes brutal self-punishment. Other dirty little words like “should”, “failure” and “ought to” keep our inner critic busy.

Rule #1: Don’t SHOULD on yourself.

perfectionism

When our personal demands (powered by brutal self-punishment), affect our self-worth, problems arise. Low self-esteem leads to……wait, I don’t have enough time to discuss what that leads to. You get the picture.

In my personal and professional life, I discourage the use of the word “perfect.” It’s unattainable. “Perfect” sets up unrealistic expectations. And we all know what happens when expectations are set too high. DISAPPOINTMENT!

So what are some solutions?

  • Take the word “perfect” out of your vocabulary. Now.  Thank You.
  • Think of what “perfect” used to mean to you. I understand that some projects for work and home need to be up to a certain standard. Are these projects now considered “up to your standards?” Could you say “I’m pleased with my work? I’m proud of how this project came out.” Isn’t that a more “loving” statement than “My work was perfect.”
  • Think of where you use this word? Do you use this with your spouse/partner? If so, please stop. Remember what I wrote earlier. Perfect is unattainable. It’s unfair to place that standard on someone as important as a spouse/partner. What is “perfect?” Someone who doesn’t cheat on you? State that as a boundary. (What are boundaries? I have a post for that too!)
  • Do you use this word with your children?  What type of pressure are you placing on them by asking them to do things perfectly? Is it more realistic to encourage them to “do their best?”  Most adults suffer with perfectionism due to demands placed on them as children. Click To Tweet

In summary, less pressure can be placed on us and people around us if we set reasonable expectations for behavior. Choose more loving expectations and prepare to receive more loving results!

 

 

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