The Focus On You

Self-Care Is A Lifestyle

Tag: goals (page 2 of 3)

Are You A Confidence Buster?

Do you have a hater living in your head? Have you been writing your own diss track?

Although that pesky critic lives in all of our heads, we have a responsibility to starve it from any attention.

Want to see if you’re a confidence buster? See how many questions you can answer yes to:

1.    Do you try to one-up people when you hear their stories?

2.    Is your knee-jerk reaction a complaint?

3.    Have you been accused of being “stubborn and never changing your ways?”

4.    Is your life so rigid that you avoid family and friends because of possible criticisms?

5.    Do you have a list of dreams that never see past your vision board, Pinterest boards or journal?

6.    Do you talk smack about friends/family/colleagues who are advancing their lives?

A few weeks ago I had a feature about passive aggressive behavior. Inconsistent communication like passive aggression can turn into hater language.

(Read post: Passive Aggressive Behaviors and Relationships: Part 1)

Busting other people’s bubbles is shady and a reflection of where our confidence stands. I admit that at times of low self-esteem it was easier to crack jokes to friends about their plans. It may have appeared in the form of sarcasm or jokes but in hindsight I see that I was a jerk. Humor is a good way to deflect from the fact that our confidence is shoddy.

If our hater language turns inward it can obviously be damaging. When we keep playing the tape of doubts, disses, failures and complaints, it’s no surprise that our goals don’t see the light of day. Are you going through the motions in public like you have plans on the table? You’re less likely to lie to others if you stop lying to yourself. It’s okay if you don’t know what your next move is. Many of us reach out to mentors, bosses, colleagues, our elders or social media groups for answers. One of my favorite quotes is, “We have not, because we ask not.”

What do you need to ask for?

Is stubbornness your biggest barrier? Stubbornness and rigidity truly have little value. News alert: life isn’t measured so precisely. In fact, being able to navigate twists and turns in life requires a bit of spontaneity. Parents could nod their heads in agreement about this fact right?

Rigidity leads us to feeling more paranoid about making the easiest choices. Making decisions is like working a muscle. Our decision making muscle becomes stronger when we use it more often than a spare tire. Making good and bad choices can come natural and we’re used to little setbacks or minor criticisms like “Damn, that was stupid.” These minor criticisms brush off our backs and don’t even count in the grand scheme of screw ups!

(Read post: Is Control Making You Too Rigid?)

As I set out to make major leaps in my writing business I have to starve my criticisms. Something new is never easy. I can’t be “that guy” that asks for help and then cringes because “eww that sounds hard.” Elizabeth Gilbert describes this struggle in “Big Magic.” She says that when we complain about our next move, we offend our blessings. Complaints scare our blessings away. Click To Tweet She admits that she verbally told the Universe that she enjoyed her creativity and her work. This is the perfect way to starve doubt! Feed your blessings instead!

My tip:

·        Listen to your inner and outer chatter. Silence the complaints.

·        Is that sarcasm hiding your doubts? Stop it. That type of sarcasm is annoying.

·        Is your rigidity telling the Universe you’re not ready for your dreams? Open the door to your blessings instead of scaring it away.

Be bold, live out loud, exercise that decision making muscle and starve that hater! Tell ’em I sent you!

How will you silence that confidence buster in your head?

Easy Writing Exercises To Help You Slay The New Year

Is anyone grown enough to remember Mad Libs? Or did I just give away my post-millennial age??

If you are a fan of journaling, Mad Libs or creating your own story, I want to share end of the year writing exercises that will prepare you for 2017!

Have fun!!

Fill out the blanks:

Bravo! I made it through ___________. With this hidden strength (___________) I persevered. (Name one person or group of people) ___________ encouraged me and taught me a lot about myself. Now I am willing to _________ on my own. My personal hero(es) ____________ has/have these qualities I admire: _________________. With the lessons I learned this year I can say I admire these qualities about myself now: ___________. I now feel __________ about upcoming goals. I plan on accomplishing _______  in the next __________. When I think about giving up I will call ________ instead. If I find myself avoiding _________, then I know I’m headed for trouble.


One of the changes I will make next year is ____________. Small steps that can help me reach this are _____________________. I have these strengths (____________________) that will help me make these changes. In order to add something positive to my life I need to subtract this: ____________________. If these changes present a struggle I will call ____________ to hold me accountable. I need to lean on my supports through the good and bad. I’m thankful for ________________ who is always encouraging. I will stay in contact with them by ___________ at least once a _______. Having smart people on my team makes me feel  _____________. Speaking of feelings, these are the feelings I am hoping to achieve my making this change: _____________________________. These are the feelings I plan on leaving behind: _____________________. My first step will be ____________ starting ____________.


Journal questions:

*Next month, I don’t want to feel this: ____________.

3 things I need to do differently to avoid this feeling:


* These barriers have distanced me from my personal goals: ________________. What support do I need to knock these barriers down? (Sidenote: Barriers are normal. We all face them.)


* What can I no longer afford to avoid? (my health, finances, emergency savings, career change). List them all and write down solutions for each of them. Create monthly or weekly adjustments to your schedule to support these solutions.


*2 theme songs that support my goals for 2017 are ___________. (Personally, you know I have like 4 or 5 songs for next year…..heehee)


* 2 “extras” I can do without next year are____________________. What have these “extras” cost me in 2016?

I will be here in 2017 to help you celebrate your goals and encourage you to make yourself and your dreams a priority. Cheers to another year and Happy 2 Year Blogaversary to me!!! I appreciate your continued support!

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