The Focus On You

*Self-Care & Lifestyle Blog*

Tag: goals (page 1 of 3)

Why Your Mindset Matters More Than Your Goals

As we prepare for a new year with goals, resolutions (ugh), vision boards, new planners and a bucket list, I think about how all these “goals” can be short sighted.

You know I’m never the one to crap on anyone’s dream but I want you to shift your perspective and possibly aim higher. Let’s face it, 2017 was a year of dramatic change, shifts and WTH moments. I truly feel that who we ARE needs to aim higher than what we want to DO. Click To Tweet

Let’s start off by breaking down the word “goal.”

A goal is the object of a person’s ambition. A goal should be committed to a person’s particular needs. If your goal is to lose weight I’m guessing that your “need” is to improve your health. As a college student my goal was to finish school so I could make more money in the future.

With any goal, you examine your HOW’s and WHAT’s. HOW will I reach this goal? WHAT do I need to do to make this happen?

I’m asking you to examine your mindset or the WHO. Who do I need to be in order to make this goal happen? Do I need to be motivated, patient or more extroverted (if you’re moving past comfort zones)?

Furthermore, how is this goal going to change who I am? Am I ready for the personal changes that may take place? When I first started this blog I didn’t imagine how much my mindset would change. I see business differently, learned more about the benefits of social media, exercised creative muscles I never knew I had (podcasting, public speaking) and networked with professionals. I can’t believe how much I have grown since I started blogging.

All of the goals I’ve achieved changed who I am. Undergrad. Grad school. Building my therapy career. Becoming a writer and blogger. If I didn’t like who I became after meeting these goals, how would that screw up my mindset for future goals? I’d never dream again.

Aside from viewing my own personal bubble I am taking the world view into perspective before planning for 2018. This year’s “power word” was bravery. Last year I knew that my goal was to strengthen my personal foundation and headspace while making dreams come true. I got distracted by world events this year and I lost focus. I put my energy into “BEING brave” and was unable to get things DONE.

(Read my post for a list of “power words.”)

For 2018 I am attaching BEING and DOING so I can stay aligned. For this reason, my “power word” is ALIGNMENT. A friend kept mentioning this word on social media and it stuck. I kept seeing this word pop up and like a soothing scent, it lingered.

My mindset has to be aligned with what I’m doing whether I’m walking the dog or working extra hours to achieve this new therapy license. With a shaky economy I realize that I need to keep building my resume and will be working on a new therapy license. Mindfulness and self-care will be paramount to my success (and sanity) in 2018.

My wish for my readers before the year ends? I hope you go for all your dreams and that it’s aligned with your needs, the best life for your future and who you want to be. Here’s to being focused and aligned in 2018!

P.S. If you’re a VIP newsletter subscriber, I’ll break down some more tools to help you visualize your goals for the coming year! Stay tuned!

Are You A Confidence Buster?

Do you have a hater living in your head? Have you been writing your own diss track?

Although that pesky critic lives in all of our heads, we have a responsibility to starve it from any attention.

Want to see if you’re a confidence buster? See how many questions you can answer yes to:

1.    Do you try to one-up people when you hear their stories?

2.    Is your knee-jerk reaction a complaint?

3.    Have you been accused of being “stubborn and never changing your ways?”

4.    Is your life so rigid that you avoid family and friends because of possible criticisms?

5.    Do you have a list of dreams that never see past your vision board, Pinterest boards or journal?

6.    Do you talk smack about friends/family/colleagues who are advancing their lives?

A few weeks ago I had a feature about passive aggressive behavior. Inconsistent communication like passive aggression can turn into hater language.

(Read post: Passive Aggressive Behaviors and Relationships: Part 1)

Busting other people’s bubbles is shady and a reflection of where our confidence stands. I admit that at times of low self-esteem it was easier to crack jokes to friends about their plans. It may have appeared in the form of sarcasm or jokes but in hindsight I see that I was a jerk. Humor is a good way to deflect from the fact that our confidence is shoddy.

If our hater language turns inward it can obviously be damaging. When we keep playing the tape of doubts, disses, failures and complaints, it’s no surprise that our goals don’t see the light of day. Are you going through the motions in public like you have plans on the table? You’re less likely to lie to others if you stop lying to yourself. It’s okay if you don’t know what your next move is. Many of us reach out to mentors, bosses, colleagues, our elders or social media groups for answers. One of my favorite quotes is, “We have not, because we ask not.”

What do you need to ask for?

Is stubbornness your biggest barrier? Stubbornness and rigidity truly have little value. News alert: life isn’t measured so precisely. In fact, being able to navigate twists and turns in life requires a bit of spontaneity. Parents could nod their heads in agreement about this fact right?

Rigidity leads us to feeling more paranoid about making the easiest choices. Making decisions is like working a muscle. Our decision making muscle becomes stronger when we use it more often than a spare tire. Making good and bad choices can come natural and we’re used to little setbacks or minor criticisms like “Damn, that was stupid.” These minor criticisms brush off our backs and don’t even count in the grand scheme of screw ups!

(Read post: Is Control Making You Too Rigid?)

As I set out to make major leaps in my writing business I have to starve my criticisms. Something new is never easy. I can’t be “that guy” that asks for help and then cringes because “eww that sounds hard.” Elizabeth Gilbert describes this struggle in “Big Magic.” She says that when we complain about our next move, we offend our blessings. Complaints scare our blessings away. Click To Tweet She admits that she verbally told the Universe that she enjoyed her creativity and her work. This is the perfect way to starve doubt! Feed your blessings instead!

My tip:

·        Listen to your inner and outer chatter. Silence the complaints.

·        Is that sarcasm hiding your doubts? Stop it. That type of sarcasm is annoying.

·        Is your rigidity telling the Universe you’re not ready for your dreams? Open the door to your blessings instead of scaring it away.

Be bold, live out loud, exercise that decision making muscle and starve that hater! Tell ’em I sent you!

How will you silence that confidence buster in your head?

Older posts

© 2018 The Focus On You

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑

%d bloggers like this: