The Focus On You

Self-Care Is A Lifestyle

Tag: goals (page 1 of 3)

How To Bust Out Of The Comparison Trap

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It seems like whether we’re thriving or holding on for dear life, we seem to peek our heads to see how everyone else is surviving. Social media makes these “comparison traps” even harder because people love to show off.

The beginning of the year is the season of self-doubt. When people are already counting “wins” we may be ready to kiss our goals goodbye (again).

What are the reasons we get stuck in comparison traps?

  • We question if what we’re doing is “right.”
  • We want to be accepted even when we don’t accept ourselves.
  • It gives us an excuse to quit.
  • We no longer recognize our own “wins” because all we focus on are “losses.”
  • We haven’t secured a mentor, trainer or guide to keep us focused on our path.
  • It can become lonely when we’re working long hours on our dreams. Comparison breaks up the loneliness.
  • Our dreams/visions/goals aren’t full-fledged commitments.
  • Our squad isn’t supportive or on a similar path.

When I see entrepreneur friends who are killing it in their dreams and goals, I realize that they’re putting in ten times more work than me. I don’t look at that as a personal weakness. I see it as a challenge. If I can’t applaud a friend or colleague on their success because I feel it reflects poorly on me, then I got work to do. Reminder: No one is considering MY goals when they’re achieving THEIR goals. That form of competition doesn’t breed success.

A cognitive trick I talk about in mental health therapy is teaching people to recognize their personal mirrors. We “project”, or throw, our thoughts and worries onto other people because our flaw is ALL we can think about. We assume that’s all they see too.

For example, if I look in the mirror and see someone who isn’t smart, I will assume everyone sees the same thing. I will react to people as if they’re treating me like an idiot. I will assume that every rejection and unanswered text is because people think I’m not smart. When we build up the confidence to work for a promotion, begin a weight loss program or start dating it’s easier to give up if our personal mirror isn’t rooted in love.

I can’t imagine there’s a person on Earth who thinks they’re flawless everyday but are you going to focus on the flaws or the strengths? Point out your strengths daily. Hourly.

Are you focused on your mediocre resume or your badass network of references?

Are the thicker thighs a problem or a benefit during weight training?

Were you hired to have voluminous hair or for your ability to work well with customers/clients?

Did any of these sentences make you feel like you need a boost? This is where coaches, mentors, spiritual guides and therapists fit in. They’ll remind you of your strengths until you learn to do it yourself.

I recently read that likeability is like a prison. Is our desire to be liked something we carried over from adolescence? (I see an upcoming blog  post on this subject…) Accepting who we are places a neutral label on what we see in the mirror. It’s not good or bad. It just is. It’s easier to be loving towards myself if I’m centered in the middle, in neutral, rather than at the other extreme of “negative.”

Bust out of comparison traps by reminding yourself how remarkable you are, how realistic and within reach your goals are and give yourself credit for making it through the day. Find people who believe in your goals and will only lift you up. Accept more than what you see in the mirror. Click To Tweet Point out the wins from last week, last year and the wins that made you feel alive when you were a kid.

The only person you should be comparing yourself to is you. That’s all you can control and you can only go HIGHER from here!

Book Recommendation: You Are Enough: How To Elevate Your Thoughts, Align Your Energy and Get Out Of The Comparison Trap by Cassie Mendoza-Jones





Why Your Mindset Matters More Than Your Goals

As we prepare for a new year with goals, resolutions (ugh), vision boards, new planners and a bucket list, I think about how all these “goals” can be short sighted.

You know I’m never the one to crap on anyone’s dream but I want you to shift your perspective and possibly aim higher. Let’s face it, 2017 was a year of dramatic change, shifts and WTH moments. I truly feel that who we ARE needs to aim higher than what we want to DO. Click To Tweet

Let’s start off by breaking down the word “goal.”

A goal is the object of a person’s ambition. A goal should be committed to a person’s particular needs. If your goal is to lose weight I’m guessing that your “need” is to improve your health. As a college student my goal was to finish school so I could make more money in the future.

With any goal, you examine your HOW’s and WHAT’s. HOW will I reach this goal? WHAT do I need to do to make this happen?

I’m asking you to examine your mindset or the WHO. Who do I need to be in order to make this goal happen? Do I need to be motivated, patient or more extroverted (if you’re moving past comfort zones)?

Furthermore, how is this goal going to change who I am? Am I ready for the personal changes that may take place? When I first started this blog I didn’t imagine how much my mindset would change. I see business differently, learned more about the benefits of social media, exercised creative muscles I never knew I had (podcasting, public speaking) and networked with professionals. I can’t believe how much I have grown since I started blogging.

All of the goals I’ve achieved changed who I am. Undergrad. Grad school. Building my therapy career. Becoming a writer and blogger. If I didn’t like who I became after meeting these goals, how would that screw up my mindset for future goals? I’d never dream again.

Aside from viewing my own personal bubble I am taking the world view into perspective before planning for 2018. This year’s “power word” was bravery. Last year I knew that my goal was to strengthen my personal foundation and headspace while making dreams come true. I got distracted by world events this year and I lost focus. I put my energy into “BEING brave” and was unable to get things DONE.

(Read my post for a list of “power words.”)

For 2018 I am attaching BEING and DOING so I can stay aligned. For this reason, my “power word” is ALIGNMENT. A friend kept mentioning this word on social media and it stuck. I kept seeing this word pop up and like a soothing scent, it lingered.

My mindset has to be aligned with what I’m doing whether I’m walking the dog or working extra hours to achieve this new therapy license. With a shaky economy I realize that I need to keep building my resume and will be working on a new therapy license. Mindfulness and self-care will be paramount to my success (and sanity) in 2018.

My wish for my readers before the year ends? I hope you go for all your dreams and that it’s aligned with your needs, the best life for your future and who you want to be. Here’s to being focused and aligned in 2018!

P.S. If you’re a VIP newsletter subscriber, I’ll break down some more tools to help you visualize your goals for the coming year! Stay tuned!

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