The Focus On You

Self-Care Is A Lifestyle

Tag: creativity

Are You A Confidence Buster?

Do you have a hater living in your head? Have you been writing your own diss track?

Although that pesky critic lives in all of our heads, we have a responsibility to starve it from any attention.

Want to see if you’re a confidence buster? See how many questions you can answer yes to:

1.    Do you try to one-up people when you hear their stories?

2.    Is your knee-jerk reaction a complaint?

3.    Have you been accused of being “stubborn and never changing your ways?”

4.    Is your life so rigid that you avoid family and friends because of possible criticisms?

5.    Do you have a list of dreams that never see past your vision board, Pinterest boards or journal?

6.    Do you talk smack about friends/family/colleagues who are advancing their lives?

A few weeks ago I had a feature about passive aggressive behavior. Inconsistent communication like passive aggression can turn into hater language.

(Read post: Passive Aggressive Behaviors and Relationships: Part 1)

Busting other people’s bubbles is shady and a reflection of where our confidence stands. I admit that at times of low self-esteem it was easier to crack jokes to friends about their plans. It may have appeared in the form of sarcasm or jokes but in hindsight I see that I was a jerk. Humor is a good way to deflect from the fact that our confidence is shoddy.

If our hater language turns inward it can obviously be damaging. When we keep playing the tape of doubts, disses, failures and complaints, it’s no surprise that our goals don’t see the light of day. Are you going through the motions in public like you have plans on the table? You’re less likely to lie to others if you stop lying to yourself. It’s okay if you don’t know what your next move is. Many of us reach out to mentors, bosses, colleagues, our elders or social media groups for answers. One of my favorite quotes is, “We have not, because we ask not.”

What do you need to ask for?

Is stubbornness your biggest barrier? Stubbornness and rigidity truly have little value. News alert: life isn’t measured so precisely. In fact, being able to navigate twists and turns in life requires a bit of spontaneity. Parents could nod their heads in agreement about this fact right?

Rigidity leads us to feeling more paranoid about making the easiest choices. Making decisions is like working a muscle. Our decision making muscle becomes stronger when we use it more often than a spare tire. Making good and bad choices can come natural and we’re used to little setbacks or minor criticisms like “Damn, that was stupid.” These minor criticisms brush off our backs and don’t even count in the grand scheme of screw ups!

(Read post: Is Control Making You Too Rigid?)

As I set out to make major leaps in my writing business I have to starve my criticisms. Something new is never easy. I can’t be “that guy” that asks for help and then cringes because “eww that sounds hard.” Elizabeth Gilbert describes this struggle in “Big Magic.” She says that when we complain about our next move, we offend our blessings. Complaints scare our blessings away. Click To Tweet She admits that she verbally told the Universe that she enjoyed her creativity and her work. This is the perfect way to starve doubt! Feed your blessings instead!

My tip:

·        Listen to your inner and outer chatter. Silence the complaints.

·        Is that sarcasm hiding your doubts? Stop it. That type of sarcasm is annoying.

·        Is your rigidity telling the Universe you’re not ready for your dreams? Open the door to your blessings instead of scaring it away.

Be bold, live out loud, exercise that decision making muscle and starve that hater! Tell ’em I sent you!

How will you silence that confidence buster in your head?

Self-Care and Adult Coloring Books: My October Challenge

In the last few months I have been intrigued by the latest craze for adult coloring books. Did you know that in April, 2 of the top 10 books on Amazon were adult coloring books? That’s insane!!

Artistic readers are likely shaking their heads and whispering how coloring has “never” been a craze. Some of you have never stopped coloring and research is showing that you are better off because of this.

Mental health therapists and children’s therapists may also be shaking their head at this latest “fad.” As a mental health therapist I have used artistic creativity in therapeutic groups but I admit I haven’t used them for myself. Vision boards, timeline collages and guided imagery are just a few methods that are helpful in therapeutic and addiction treatment settings.

October Challenge: This month I will experiment with an adult coloring book  during different emotional times (If I’m feeling angry, sad, in pain or stressed) and report on how it affected me.

In all honesty, I struggle with artistic creativity. I’m lucky if I get fancy with my eyeshadow. I scrapbooked once, and although it was very soothing, I struggle to jump back into it. I WISH I had an eye for interior design or the smooth hand of a calligrapher. But instead of focusing on my “lack” I will be grateful for what I CAN do.

To add more honesty, I get stressed easily and struggle with fibromyalgia pains. I am hoping that coloring books will add another useful tool in my self-care toolbox.

I will also share my experiences through Periscope, my favorite livestreaming site!

This is the book I will be using this month! I will also highlight some online materials that you can download for art therapy.


Are you a fan of art therapy and/or adult coloring books? Are you willing to take the challenge with me? Please join me and let me know how it works for you! 

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