The Focus On You

Self-Care Is A Lifestyle

Tag: confidence (page 1 of 2)

How To Maintain Your New Year Energy

The end of 2017 was flooded with messages of renewed energy and healthy intentions for a better year. I admit it was a welcomed surprise, especially when social media can be so whiny and depressing. But I know I’m not alone in thinking that this motivation can’t last forever. When I work with therapy clients, as we celebrate any uptick in motivation, I always invite them to examine their recipes for success.

If our successes are so few, or only occur with “New Year” motivation, let’s look at how to spread this healthy energy throughout the year.

Assess Your Confidence

Do you realize how you confident you are? Yes you!

A person is unlikely to set goals or state their desires without having at least bite size confidence. If you got off the struggle bus in December and are left with bite size confidence, even the smallest resolution or goal involves confidence. Being willing to make a change in your life means you believe in your worth. Click To Tweet You believe you deserve better and can DO better.

That confidence translates into energy. All this social media energy about intentions, better boundaries, healthier eating, etc, comes from your self-worth.

Tip: At the end of every month, do a self-check on your confidence levels. Are your self-esteem and energy at the same level? What did you do at the end of December that could help you now?

Read: Are You A Confidence Buster?

Assess Your Barriers

In recovery circles, we caution people about the concept of insanity. “Insanity means doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.” If your yearly goals fall apart at the same time each year, it’s time to check out your patterns.

If weight loss motivation is strong in the winter and gets weak in the summer, find the barrier.

If you only get motivated in your side hustle when your funds are low, find the barrier.

If your personal boundary wall is only strong when you’re feeling cocky or rude, remember that the wall won’t stay up forever. What’s your barrier?

In 2017 I slipped on a lot of my goals and lost motivation due to multiple distractions. I’ll admit that social media scrolling and stressing (thanks to this government) had me distracted. I didn’t have the awareness to pull away and I lost motivation to finish personal and professional tasks. I realized this mid-year and made better efforts to stop being so opinionated.

In the blogging world, we aim to engage online with others, which helps build our brand. Having opinions doesn’t fatten my pocket. I now have to find the healthy line between being informed and just wasting time.

Assess Your Why

When clients mention trying something different I always ask them, “Why?” Sometimes it sounds like I’m being a jerk but it’s a healthy way of challenging their thinking. Where did they get this idea? Who is encouraging them to do it? Is it in line with their values?

If we don’t know our WHY, then we’re likely to stumble.

If you are feeling energized about your goals, vision board, business planning, write down WHY. Re-visit this WHY when you’re feeling discouraged or you get off track.

As a college graduate, I feel that one of my biggest lessons was patience. Now, this doesn’t mean I’m patient in traffic or waiting in line (that’s a whole other blog post). College students highlight those articles, chug coffee, stay up late and type up endless pages of reports because they’re patient. They know that every hurdle leads to a degree.  For me, my degree meant a higher ceiling. I knew that my degree would open more doors and lead to my desired career.

Every tedious task led to my WHY.

When I started my blog exactly 3 years ago, I took my time in writing posts and monetizing. My long-term goal with blogging is to improve my writing and eventually write books. All the tedious work that comes along with blogging is part of my WHY.

As a new year begins, celebrate your confidence, remind yourself of what you truly value and expect a few bumps in the road. With struggle comes growth. After breakdowns, come breakthroughs. Click To Tweet.

Goals aren’t set in stone. Pivot and adjust as changes occur. Go easy on yourself and remember that being too task-oriented can be draining. Align your WHY with WHO you want to be and you’ll be on the right track! I’m cheering you on!

 

Are You A Confidence Buster?

Do you have a hater living in your head? Have you been writing your own diss track?

Although that pesky critic lives in all of our heads, we have a responsibility to starve it from any attention.

Want to see if you’re a confidence buster? See how many questions you can answer yes to:

1.    Do you try to one-up people when you hear their stories?

2.    Is your knee-jerk reaction a complaint?

3.    Have you been accused of being “stubborn and never changing your ways?”

4.    Is your life so rigid that you avoid family and friends because of possible criticisms?

5.    Do you have a list of dreams that never see past your vision board, Pinterest boards or journal?

6.    Do you talk smack about friends/family/colleagues who are advancing their lives?

A few weeks ago I had a feature about passive aggressive behavior. Inconsistent communication like passive aggression can turn into hater language.

(Read post: Passive Aggressive Behaviors and Relationships: Part 1)

Busting other people’s bubbles is shady and a reflection of where our confidence stands. I admit that at times of low self-esteem it was easier to crack jokes to friends about their plans. It may have appeared in the form of sarcasm or jokes but in hindsight I see that I was a jerk. Humor is a good way to deflect from the fact that our confidence is shoddy.

If our hater language turns inward it can obviously be damaging. When we keep playing the tape of doubts, disses, failures and complaints, it’s no surprise that our goals don’t see the light of day. Are you going through the motions in public like you have plans on the table? You’re less likely to lie to others if you stop lying to yourself. It’s okay if you don’t know what your next move is. Many of us reach out to mentors, bosses, colleagues, our elders or social media groups for answers. One of my favorite quotes is, “We have not, because we ask not.”

What do you need to ask for?

Is stubbornness your biggest barrier? Stubbornness and rigidity truly have little value. News alert: life isn’t measured so precisely. In fact, being able to navigate twists and turns in life requires a bit of spontaneity. Parents could nod their heads in agreement about this fact right?

Rigidity leads us to feeling more paranoid about making the easiest choices. Making decisions is like working a muscle. Our decision making muscle becomes stronger when we use it more often than a spare tire. Making good and bad choices can come natural and we’re used to little setbacks or minor criticisms like “Damn, that was stupid.” These minor criticisms brush off our backs and don’t even count in the grand scheme of screw ups!

(Read post: Is Control Making You Too Rigid?)

As I set out to make major leaps in my writing business I have to starve my criticisms. Something new is never easy. I can’t be “that guy” that asks for help and then cringes because “eww that sounds hard.” Elizabeth Gilbert describes this struggle in “Big Magic.” She says that when we complain about our next move, we offend our blessings. Complaints scare our blessings away. Click To Tweet She admits that she verbally told the Universe that she enjoyed her creativity and her work. This is the perfect way to starve doubt! Feed your blessings instead!

My tip:

·        Listen to your inner and outer chatter. Silence the complaints.

·        Is that sarcasm hiding your doubts? Stop it. That type of sarcasm is annoying.

·        Is your rigidity telling the Universe you’re not ready for your dreams? Open the door to your blessings instead of scaring it away.

Be bold, live out loud, exercise that decision making muscle and starve that hater! Tell ’em I sent you!

How will you silence that confidence buster in your head?

Older posts

© 2018 The Focus On You

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑

%d bloggers like this: