The Focus On You

*Self-Care & Lifestyle Blog*

Tag: confidence (page 1 of 2)

Are You A Confidence Buster?

Do you have a hater living in your head? Have you been writing your own diss track?

Although that pesky critic lives in all of our heads, we have a responsibility to starve it from any attention.

Want to see if you’re a confidence buster? See how many questions you can answer yes to:

1.    Do you try to one-up people when you hear their stories?

2.    Is your knee-jerk reaction a complaint?

3.    Have you been accused of being “stubborn and never changing your ways?”

4.    Is your life so rigid that you avoid family and friends because of possible criticisms?

5.    Do you have a list of dreams that never see past your vision board, Pinterest boards or journal?

6.    Do you talk smack about friends/family/colleagues who are advancing their lives?

A few weeks ago I had a feature about passive aggressive behavior. Inconsistent communication like passive aggression can turn into hater language.

(Read post: Passive Aggressive Behaviors and Relationships: Part 1)

Busting other people’s bubbles is shady and a reflection of where our confidence stands. I admit that at times of low self-esteem it was easier to crack jokes to friends about their plans. It may have appeared in the form of sarcasm or jokes but in hindsight I see that I was a jerk. Humor is a good way to deflect from the fact that our confidence is shoddy.

If our hater language turns inward it can obviously be damaging. When we keep playing the tape of doubts, disses, failures and complaints, it’s no surprise that our goals don’t see the light of day. Are you going through the motions in public like you have plans on the table? You’re less likely to lie to others if you stop lying to yourself. It’s okay if you don’t know what your next move is. Many of us reach out to mentors, bosses, colleagues, our elders or social media groups for answers. One of my favorite quotes is, “We have not, because we ask not.”

What do you need to ask for?

Is stubbornness your biggest barrier? Stubbornness and rigidity truly have little value. News alert: life isn’t measured so precisely. In fact, being able to navigate twists and turns in life requires a bit of spontaneity. Parents could nod their heads in agreement about this fact right?

Rigidity leads us to feeling more paranoid about making the easiest choices. Making decisions is like working a muscle. Our decision making muscle becomes stronger when we use it more often than a spare tire. Making good and bad choices can come natural and we’re used to little setbacks or minor criticisms like “Damn, that was stupid.” These minor criticisms brush off our backs and don’t even count in the grand scheme of screw ups!

(Read post: Is Control Making You Too Rigid?)

As I set out to make major leaps in my writing business I have to starve my criticisms. Something new is never easy. I can’t be “that guy” that asks for help and then cringes because “eww that sounds hard.” Elizabeth Gilbert describes this struggle in “Big Magic.” She says that when we complain about our next move, we offend our blessings. Complaints scare our blessings away. Click To Tweet She admits that she verbally told the Universe that she enjoyed her creativity and her work. This is the perfect way to starve doubt! Feed your blessings instead!

My tip:

·        Listen to your inner and outer chatter. Silence the complaints.

·        Is that sarcasm hiding your doubts? Stop it. That type of sarcasm is annoying.

·        Is your rigidity telling the Universe you’re not ready for your dreams? Open the door to your blessings instead of scaring it away.

Be bold, live out loud, exercise that decision making muscle and starve that hater! Tell ’em I sent you!

How will you silence that confidence buster in your head?

Need Help Building Your Child’s Confidence?

Back to school season can invite a bundle of nerves for our children. Even if your little one is excited about returning to school, they are not immune to dips in self-esteem.

This blog always focuses on self-care and motivational messages for adults. How about turning our attention to our younger generation??

I sought out guidance from parents and they helped me with this list of motivational gems!

  1. Teach your child to power pose!



2. Affirmations:

I’m a great reader.

I can be anything I want.

I am good enough.

I am magic.

I come from a bloodline of strong and powerful women.

I am brave.

I am proud of myself. 

Today I am ____________.

I know how to solve problems.

3. One mom taught her child to avoid the word “can’t” and to stop saying sorry for no reason. She charged her daughter $0.10 per slip-up. It can be hard for adults to avoid the word “sorry” so this is a smart lesson for a child!

4. “However hard you practice is how well you will perform.”

5. “Everyone has to try hard. Do you think you are the only one struggling with this?”

6. “Are you happy with the effort you are giving in __________?” This could invite a conversation with your child about work ethic.

7. Reminding children about their strengths:  “You are so talented, smart, strong, athletic, great team player, artistic, you never give up, resilient, etc.”



If you need further motivation or some “power words” to share in their lunchbox, this post will help!

Wishing you and your little ones a successful school year!! 

Are there special messages you share with your kids when they’re feeling doubtful??

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