Originially published on August 3, 2015
If you have not seen any books or TED talks by Brenè Brown please Google her after reading this post. She is a researcher and writer who brilliantly shares her findings on shame, vulnerability and worthiness.
I recently watched one of her TED talks about vulnerability. It made me think about self-esteem and one of her lessons on “telling your story.” She says that “a story is data with a soul” and she encourages people to become more comfortable with their personal story.
Are there parts of yourself that you try to keep hidden?
My therapeutic experience in working with trauma has shown me that many people struggle with self-esteem, usually related to past traumas. Our self-esteem can easily be attacked by other’s criticisms or traumatic events that rocked us to the core.
But what if our worthiness is simply tangled up in denial of our weaknesses?
For example, let’s hypothetically assume that I felt shame about my shyness. This shyness had nothing to do with past trauma. My personality just keeps me from maintaining conversation with new people. Unfortunately, this makes dating difficult. I am unable to meet potential suitors and it prevents me from being in new social circles.
If I denied this problem and never asked for help with this, how would it affect me in the long run? Could I be susceptible to unwanted attention and affect my ability to be assertive with men? If I’m denying that I need to improve my social skills am I also denying that I need to ask for help with this problem?
Now let’s assume I am willing to talk to someone about this – a therapist, trusted friend who has good social skills, life coach.
If I am willing to be open or vulnerable to someone I stand a better chance of finding a solution to this problem, improving my social skills and being less self-critical in uncomfortable settings.
Basically, if I KNOW I’m shy and I work on being LESS SHY how bad can my self-criticism be?
Personally, I know I’m still new at blogging and am working on learning more EVERY DAY. Any criticism I receive, either internal or external, can’t be THAT bad right? You’re telling me something I already know.
So what’s the point? We all have weaknesses and areas to work on. As mentioned in a previous post, no one is PERFECT! (Ugh there’s that word again). If you are sensitive about a particular flaw own up to it.
Find someone you can trust to discuss this with. The more you tell your story the less power it has.
Vulnerability does not have to be a frightening word. It’s only frightening when we’re trying to deny who we really are. Good self-esteem starts with being honest with ourselves.
Be gentle with yourself because you’re teaching others how to treat you. Click To Tweet
I have included the Brenè Brown TED talk below. Enjoy!
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