If you’re anything like me, you can justify the heck out of being in control. You have your stuff together, you can always rely on yourself and everything you start gets finished. I’ve always been a go-getter and extremely focused on my studies and career. It’s how I finished my Master’s Degree by age 24.

There are healthy forms of self-control like being disciplined, orderly and responsible. But as they say, everything needs to be in moderation.

Unhealthy levels of control can look like this:

  • Having an attitude with people who have NO self-control.
  • Being unable to delegate simple tasks at work or home because “I can do it better than anyone else.”
  • Being closed-minded about almost EVERYTHING!
  • Less likely to listen to advice, suggestions or feedback.
  • This leads to withdrawing from others. Why vent to others when they’re not going to have an answer or fix this for me?
  • Unable to find ways to relax or unwind. Some people refer to this as being wound “too tight.”



When you get sucked into this pattern, your thinking and your heart will become too rigid. Expectations rise to unrealistic levels. Imagine what this can do if you’re dating, in a marriage or living with roommates. What expectations have you placed on loved ones who don’t deserve your level of control? What can this do to your kids?

A person with rigid control patterns will end up isolating themselves, whether they like it or not. It’s like living behind castle walls. Everyone will stay away from your insufferable behavior and you won’t reach out anyways. It’s a lose-lose situation.

How do you loosen the grip?

Baby steps.

Slowly delegate a few tasks. Start saying no to a few tasks or activities. Maybe your control issue is mixed with a boundary problem. Are you saying yes to additional tasks because you feel “I’m the only one who can do it?” Get over yourself and leave it to someone else.

  • Use a journal to document all the things that you feel are “controlling” you. Consider it the opposite of a “to-do” list. Make a DON’T DO list. Call it the HELL NO list! My daily planner has a section on the monthly calendar page for items that I shouldn’t do.

Please monitor your rigidity. I have been there. It’s not a place that allows for self-care or peace of mind.

Open your mind, open your heart and soften up a little. Click To Tweet

You may be at risk of distancing yourself from the people who care about you the most.


If you want to begin journaling about control, please sign up for next month’s newsletter. I’ll be featuring journal ideas just for my subscribers! 

 Here are a few books you can purchase on Amazon to help you learn more about this topic! (affiliate links included)