The Focus On You

*Self-Care & Lifestyle Blog*

Category: Self-care (page 2 of 21)

3 Ways I Diffuse My Anger

In my 2 years of blogging, this is the first time I feel it’s appropriate to talk about anger. With a new political climate and new year, our anger has been activated in a way we’re unfamiliar with.

I don’t handle my anger well and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I have never directed any anger physically towards anyone and I have no arrest history related to anger and harm. On the contrary, I’m pretty non-confrontational. I get mad at dumb drivers like anyone else but this post isn’t talking about road rage. This is about the side-eye that turns ugly.

The side-eye that poisons your energy.

The side-eye that makes you distrust EVERYONE.

The side-eye that makes you difficult to be around and bleeds into your home.

In the midst of an angry and distrustful society, let’s look at 3 healthy ways I reset my mood. I will also include additional resources at the end!


Thank God for the delete function! How many times have you wrote a post (or text) and furiously deleted it after? GUILTY!! Let me save your reputation, social media footprint and your JOB by asking you to slowly step off social media. Trust me, sometimes my Twitter fingers want to get the best of me. Here’s how you can prevent writing that angry post or comment: email it to yourself. Whether you write it on paper or email yourself, please use this blogger’s favorite tool and EDIT. Write it down and look at it again in 60 minutes. Thank me later.


Did you know that physical movement is healing? Bi-lateral movements that use both sides of your body (walking, boxing, running, stair climbing, basketball) are healing to parts of your brain affected by trauma. Any kind of energy that gets trapped in your body is damaging. Shaking out your hands or doing jumping jacks are a good way to refocus your energy. I hold anger in my shoulders and neck. The downward dog position helps me stretch out those knots. Use loud breaths or sighs while pushing further in this pose. If work is the source of your frustration, get up and move around during your breaks. If you’re lucky enough to have privacy during a conference call, do jumping jacks or squats in your office. Additional tip: Walking my dog does wonders for my spirit. When I disconnect from the indoors and watch my beagle do her cute little strut, I can’t even remember what I was pissed about.





If you follow my antics on Snapchat then you have seen my morning wake up calls. I play a motivating song to get my day going. Mind you, I’m not angry in the morning but I like setting my tone for the day with a song to get me hype. If music helps improve your mood, think about the feeling you DESIRE instead of being angry. If your anger needs to inspire healthy action (making positive changes, standing up for yourself) then choose songs with those messages. If your anger is unhealthy to your spirit or energy find songs or melodies that bring about peace, calm or humility. Stevie Wonder always resets my spiritual thermostat. When I feel anxious or scared I crave classic R&B (think Otis Redding & Sam Cooke). Make sure you have a Spotify or Pandora playlist that you can instantly turn to in case of emergency! Don’t forget instrumental music or sounds of nature to tune out bad vibes! In honor of my word of the year (bravery) I created an Apple Music playlist called “2017 Power List.” What will you call your playlist?

This weekend’s march utilized all of these suggestions above. I moved, I chanted and I somewhat disconnected

Managing your anger in healthy ways doesn’t mean you magically forget what made you angry. Resetting your mood helps you stay grounded so you can think & react clearly. Click To Tweet None of us want to say or do something we’ll regret. If you can’t seem to shake off your anger, seek out professional or spiritual help.

Additional resources:

Grief related anger:

Professional articles on anger for kids and adults:

Healing Through Movement: Getting Back Up After A Broken Heart by Dr. Crista Gambrell

How do you effectively deal with anger??

How To Make Your Downtime Nourishing Instead Of Stressful.

As I read my newsfeeds of New Years resolutions and affirmations, I see a common theme: “I want to take better care of myself/my health/my sanity.

While you might wonder where the hell you’ll fit time in for self-improvement, let’s look at your 1st enemy: your schedule.

You can’t fit 3 cars into a 2-car garage so naturally, something has to go! Let’s see what you can subtract so you can make room for improvements!

What can you subtract?

-Mindless scrolling through outdated info on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. (when is the last time you purged these newsfeeds?)

– Excessive online shopping.

– Watching the news for hours.

– Watching trash TV.

– Using your phone at the gym

– Binge watching your shows every weekend

– Responsibilities that seem to always seem to fall on your lap because NO ONE ELSE SIGNS UP (think of your kids’ school, coaching, kids’ activities, projects at work).

-Family responsibilities that need to be delegated. Why are you doing everything?

– Overcompensating at home by trying to be perfect. 7 days of 3 course meals, spotless sink every night, etc. Obsessive behaviors take up WAY TOO MUCH TIME!

What can you add that would be nourishing?

  1. First, decide what nourishing means to you. Do you need to refresh your soul, spirit, health, sleep patterns, breathing patterns? Click To Tweet
  2. Nourishing your soul or spirit? Add these: spiritual music, instrumental meditative music, traditional comfort recipes, redecorating the house with crystals, plants and soothing elements (See my post on ways to increase the peace in your environment)
  3. Include healthier drinks, snacks, meals into your daily routine. Appoint an accountability buddy at work to encourage you to have healthy lunches. Don’t carry your bank card to work. Shop for work lunches on Sunday.
  4. Add in comfort meals that remind you of home, a beloved family member or a favorite season.
  5. Buy warmer or higher thread count pillowcases, sheets or a new quilt. Flip your mattress or re-decorate your bedroom. Add new colors, comforting pictures or décor.
  6. Improve the air quality where you sleep and work. Use plants that remove toxins from the air. Use aromatherapy, misters, humidifiers and/or change air filters.
  7. Nourish your mind with podcasts, a fun fiction book, a YA book series, coloring books, board games, book clubs, groups that encourage creativity or intellectual conversation.

As many people incorporate fitness into their new year routines, their schedules are the 1st thing that need to be adjusted. If the word “sacrifice” scares you, change your language to make your adjustments more comfortable. You are making new CHOICES (not sacrifices) in order to support your goals. Click To Tweet

One thing I love about the new year is a chance to freshen up my surroundings. Even though I love the holidays more than Buddy the Elf, I welcome the new environment and opportunity to dust off my shoulders.

Self-care is about nourishment.

A new year is the perfect time to incorporate nourishment and fresh beginnings.

What are you willing to subtract in your life?

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