The Focus On You

*Motivational & Self-Care Blog*

Stop Being Stingy With Your Wisdom!

Imagine if your children’s teachers quit teaching because your child still can’t figure out algebra.



Imagine if your doctor gave you attitude and stopped treating you because you still haven’t brought your blood pressure down.

As a therapist, I work as a guide, not a fix-it. I provide self-care and therapeutic interventions to clients in need. Although some of them are mandated to attend therapy, it’s really up to them to make changes in their life. I have worked for MONTHS with clients ON A WEEKLY BASIS and they still may feel afraid to set boundaries, stay away from drugs or start prioritizing their needs.

A teacher’s job is to teach, reinforce the lesson and provide encouragement. The additional work needs to be done at home.

A coach’s job is to help their athlete improve their game, notice their weak areas and provide encouragement. The athlete can choose to do additional training outside of practice, which will help their performance.

A therapist’s job is to guide their client, provide helpful interventions and provide encouragement. The client needs to incorporate these lessons on their own at home.

See a theme here?

If you are in a helping role think about a time you were on the opposite side of the table. How have you benefitted from someone else’s help?

Or do you act like the students or audience you complain about?

You can't give what you don't have. Click To Tweet

In the blogging business, I have benefitted TREMENDOUSLY from the lessons at conferences and messages from guest speakers. They have taken the time to travel AND present at events in an effort to teach helpful tips for budding entrepeneurs.

A guest speaker or panelist cannot control the outcome of their event. Was one person inspired? Were two audience members actually taking notes? Their job may be done. If audience members don’t follow through on lessons learned that’s their responsibility, not the speaker’s.

If you’re burnt out on coaching, guiding, encouraging or teaching then the problem is YOU and not your audience. Take a break, start saying no, release expectations and incorporate some self-care. IT’S OK TO TAKE A BREAK!

Just don’t leave your role forever. The world is full of eager minds who would benefit from your wisdom!!

Do you think you set too many expectations on the people you help out? 

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What Fibromyalgia Means To Me

Originally published May 12, 2015

May 12th is National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. Fibromyalgia was suddenly introduced into my life in 2011 after my grandfather’s death. Within 2 weeks of my 1st symptoms I was crying at the ER not understanding why my body was so weak. I begged for an IV full of miracles to pull me out of the fatigue.

As I was researching for treatments like a mad woman those first few months I came across a story that spoke to me. Christine Miserandino wrote a true story about how she explained lupus to a close friend. The title of the story was “The Spoon Theory.” She beautifully details how people with chronic pain have a limited amount of energy each day. Healthy people and chronic pain sufferers wake up with 6 spoons worth of energy. Simple tasks like showering can suck up 3 spoons for a person in pain, leaving them to choose the rest of the day’s activities carefully.

Although the story highlights her battle with lupus, it is a theory that speaks for many with chronic pain (CFS, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, myalgic enchephalomyelitis-ME, etc). I’ll only speak for myself but fibromyalgia means these things:


  1. I have to plan ahead EVERY DAY! I wake up with a certain amount of spoons. Cleaning the kitchen may not be an option in the evening if I have used all my spoons at work. My days off are also planned accordingly. Sometimes being exhausted at night may mean that I’ll feel worse the next day. I don’t want to use up all my spoons every day because the unused spoons don’t rollover.
  2. I am paranoid about getting sick. If you are sick and you interact with me I could be sick for weeks. My immune system is weak. I have literally fallen sick HOURS after being near a client who didn’t disclose that they “weren’t feeling too good today.” Most people with fibro need to be VERY careful about being near sick people. I have literally passed out in stores not knowing that I had a fever.
  3. Fibromyalgia means I have to say no all the time. No, I can’t host such and such event at my house. No, I can’t help out with _____. No. Sorry but I can’t stay that long because I am useless if I get less than 7 hours of sleep. Getting less than 7 hours of sleep feels like having the flu.
  4. Sometimes I forget about things because fibromyalgia affects the brain. It’s called “fibro fog.” I could start a sentence and then forget what the hell I meant to say. I forget names of streets, people, where I am….you get the picture. You’d be a sweetheart to get me Post-It notes for my birthday.

But this post is not meant for me to gripe. It’s to boost awareness. I attend a fabulous Fibromyalgia Support Group which helps me share many of my thoughts.

And I know I’m not alone.

And warriors like myself, who want to still do “normal” things, just want some understanding. I don’t mean to be a party pooper. I don’t mean to sit out on some activities. And I’m not trying to be rude by running away from you or your coughing child.

I don't want to count spoons every day. Click To Tweet

Recommended Resource: National Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Association 

I also have a Pinterest board for Fibromyalgia support filled with healthy recipes, quotes and remedies for our painful symptoms. Follow me today!

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